Who said ancient texts couldn’t tickle your funny bone? The Old Testament, often seen as a collection of solemn and serious narratives, hides within its pages some genuinely amusing tales. From quirky characters to divine interventions that make you go “huh?”, we’re about to embark on an exploration of funny old testament bible stories. These stories give us a peek into what folks found funny way back when, proving that laughter really does stand the test of time.
Humorous Stories from the Old Testament: A Light-hearted Look
The Bible is full of fascinating stories, and the Old Testament is no exception. From the trials of Job to the unusual dowry of David, there’s plenty of humor to be found if you know where to look. So, let’s dive in and explore some of the funniest stories the Old Testament has to offer.
The Misadventures of Job
Poor Job just couldn’t catch a break. First, he loses his wealth and his children. Then, he’s afflicted with boils from head to toe. And to top it all off, his friends come to “comfort” him by basically telling him it’s all his fault. Talk about kicking a guy when he’s down.
But through it all, Job keeps his sense of humor. When his wife tells him to curse God and die, he replies, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” (Job 2:10). Way to keep things in perspective, Job.
Elijah’s Encounter with Mocking Children
Elijah was a prophet who took his job very seriously. So when a group of young boys started making fun of his bald head, he wasn’t amused. In fact, he cursed them in the name of the Lord, and two bears came out of the woods and mauled 42 of the boys (2 Kings 2:23-24).
Now, I’m not saying that Elijah overreacted, but maybe he could have just given them a stern talking-to instead of siccing bears on them. I guess prophets don’t mess around when it comes to their hair (or lack thereof).
David’s Unusual Dowry
When David wanted to marry King Saul’s daughter Michal, Saul wasn’t too thrilled about the idea. So, he came up with a unique dowry requirement: 100 Philistine foreskins (1 Samuel 18:25). That’s right, foreskins.
But David, being the overachiever that he was, brought back 200 foreskins instead. And that’s what I call really stepping it up a notch. I’m sure Michal was thrilled to have such a devoted husband.
Unforgettable Plagues of Egypt: A Comical Perspective
The ten plagues that God inflicted upon Egypt in the book of Exodus are no laughing matter. But if you look at them from a slightly skewed perspective, there’s some humor to be found. I mean, frogs everywhere? Lice? Locusts? Honestly, it seemed like every effort was being made to turn Pharaoh’s life into a total nightmare.
And then there’s the plague of darkness. Can you imagine the confusion? “Hey, who turned out the lights?” “I can’t see my hand in front of my face.” “Ouch, that was my foot.” It’s like a scene from a slapstick comedy.
But the best part is when Pharaoh finally relents and tells Moses to take the Israelites and go. Moses is like, “Okay, but we’re going to need some of your livestock for sacrifices.” And Pharaoh is like, “Fine, whatever, just go.” (Exodus 12:31-32). I guess even Pharaoh had his limits.
God’s Odd Commands: Genocide and Virgin Slaves
God gave some pretty strange commands in the Old Testament, and not all of them were exactly family-friendly. Take, for example, His command to the Israelites to wipe out entire cities, including women and children (Deuteronomy 20:16-18). Or His instruction to keep virgin slaves as war booty (Numbers 31:17-18). Yikes.
The Unsettling Orders to His Followers
It’s hard to reconcile these commands with the idea of a loving God. But maybe He had His reasons. Maybe the Canaanites were really, really bad people. Or maybe God just wanted to make sure the Israelites had enough virgin slaves to go around. Who knows?
In any case, it’s probably best not to dwell too much on these particular commands. They’re not exactly the kind of thing you want to bring up at a dinner party. “Hey, did you know that God once told the Israelites to kill all the Amalekites, including the babies? Pass the mashed potatoes.”
Jephthah’s Tragic Vow: An Unexpected Twist
The story of Jephthah’s vow is a cautionary tale about the dangers of making rash promises to God. Jephthah, a judge of Israel, vowed to sacrifice the first thing that came out of his house to greet him if God gave him victory over the Ammonites (Judges 11:30-31).
Unfortunately for Jephthah, the first thing that came out of his house was his daughter, his only child. Oops. Talk about a tragic twist of fate.
But here’s where the story takes an even more bizarre turn. Instead of sacrificing his daughter, Jephthah sends her away to the mountains for two months to “bewail her virginity” (Judges 11:37-38). Because apparently, that’s a thing.
And then, when she returns, Jephthah “did with her according to his vow” (Judges 11:39). The Bible doesn’t specify exactly what that means, but I think we can all agree that it’s not good.
So, the moral of the story is: be careful what you promise to God, because He might just take you up on it. And also, maybe don’t send your daughter to the mountains to bewail her virginity. Just a thought.
Important Takeaway:
Dive into the lighter side of the Old Testament with tales that’ll make you chuckle, from Job’s unshakable humor to David’s unique dowry and even some divine comedy. These stories remind us that even in ancient times, life had its funny moments.
Lot’s Disturbing Tale: A Comical Spin
After God laid waste to Sodom and Gomorrah (I feel like that a story about God casually destroying two entire cities doesn’t even crack this list is a true testament to how supremely screwed up the Bible is), Lot—the one dude saved from the carnage—fled the burning rubble with his daughters.
While Lot’s wife was with the trio when they initially fled, she made the fatal mistake of glancing back at the destruction and was subsequently transformed into a pillar of salt—which somehow isn’t the most screwed-up aspect of this particular tale.
The Unfortunate Events in Lot’s Life
After having the chance to collect their thoughts, Lot’s daughter’s decided that it was their duty to repopulate the area. The fact that Lot was the only man in the area in question obviously made that mission a bit more complicated, but the daughters opted to roofie him and then engage in some series of acts that resulted in both of them being pregnant the next morning.
Oh, did I mention these were the same daughters Lot offered up to a sex-crazed mob prior to fleeing Sodom? No? Well, they were.
I need a shower. And also some bleach to scrub my brain.
FAQs in Relation to Funny Old Testament Bible Stories
What are some famous stories from the Old Testament?
Noah’s Ark, Moses parting the Red Sea, and David versus Goliath top the charts for unforgettable tales.
What are the coolest Bible stories?
Daniel in the lion’s den and Joshua making the sun stand still show faith doing mind-blowing things.
What did Jesus say about Old Testament?
Jesus taught that he came not to abolish but to fulfill it. He often quoted it as God’s word.
What is a popular Old Testament Bible verse?
“I will fear no evil: for thou art with me” from Psalm 23 showcases timeless comfort and courage.
Conclusion
In wrapping up our journey through these amusing anecdotes from the past, it’s clear that the Old Testament isn’t just about fire and brimstone; there’s laughter to be found between its lines too. Digging into the oddball tales of the Old Testament has really thrown a spotlight on how humor pops up where you least expect it – just goes to show, life (and history) never stops throwing us curveballs. So next time you think about ancient scriptures, remember this lighter side. This is a little nudge to not sweat the small stuff and to find bits of happiness in places we least expect them.